How often do you see a child in public who seems to be perfectly behaved and think, “Wow, what a great job their parents have done raising them!”?

If you’re like most parents, this kind of thought may cross your mind frequently – but you also wonder what people think about your parenting based on your own child’s behavior. We have been trained to believe that a child’s behavior is entirely dependent on the way they are parented. However, recent research has shown that this isn’t just flawed logic. It is a dangerous misconception that can mask child abuse in some situations and needlessly worry the parents of children with behavioral disorders in others.

Well-Behaved Children aren’t Always Well-Behaved

What you see in a child that seems well-behaved might not actually be good behavior. Some children who are frightened, anxious, studying a new environment, sated after a meal or a nap, or otherwise in an altered emotional state may seem like they are consciously making an effort to exhibit good behavior. In reality, they are just trying to make it from one moment to the next – and may actually have issues that outside observers don’t see.

Behavior has Less to do with Your Parenting Than You Think

What you do as a parent certainly does influence how your child behaves. Your kids learn how to determine right from wrong from you, and learn what is expected of them in social situations.

But actually adhering to these expectations is another story. While you may do your best to instruct and even demonstrate good behavior to your child, you cannot force them to behave. Children who have behavioral disorders, attention or learning deficits, or other issues may struggle to behave even if they want to. Other children may simply delight in breaking rules, a normal, child-like behavior that they will eventually – hopefully – grow out of.

Your Kids are Going to be Fine

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what other people think about your parenting. As long as your children are healthy, safe, and well provided for in a loving environment, that’s all that truly matters.

Still feeling less than stellar about your parenting or have questions you can’t seem to find answers to? Don’t take them public. Reach out to a professional life coach and Hundred Life Design. Our experts can help you through life’s little moments of frustration and confusion – and help you remember why you love being a parent!