It’s normal to care about your appearance. Most of us adjust things we don’t like about ourselves, and the average person can probably point out at least one thing they don’t like about the way they look.

But body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) takes things a step further. For people who suffer from this disorder, it can be pretty debilitating. Sometimes, it can feel hard to participate in social activities, or even to just leave the house. You feel like everyone’s eyes are on your flaws, and you stand in front of the mirror each day quietly hating yourself.

It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. And if you’re seeking a fulfilling relationship, it’s hard to feel attractive to others when you don’t feel attractive to yourself. How do you even start to deal with this problem?

Write down what you love most about yourself.

Take the time to make a list of everything you love about your body, whether it’s your physical features (the color of your eyes, the freckles on your skin) or something your body can do (ride a bike through your neighborhood, hold your kids in your arms). Keep this list handy when anxiety strikes, and make sure to review it frequently for a reminder of the positive parts of you.

Tell someone you love…

It’s hard to live with a secret, let alone one that literally shapes the way you look at yourself. And the truth is, you don’t have to manage alone.

Instead, find someone you trust, and share your feelings with them. Let them know what you’re going through, and the thoughts you’re struggling with. If they’re willing, enlist them as your personal cheerleader and support system, someone you can call when you’re having a bad day.

…and consider telling a professional as well.

Depending on the intensity of your body dysmorphia, it might be best to reach out for professional advice. Talking to a therapist who specializes in BDD can help you understand your own triggers, and it can also help you regain your confidence faster than tackling the issue on your own. And when it comes to feeling attractive and sexy in your own skin, a professional can help you slowly rewire your brain so that you can get a clearer sense of who you truly are.

Invest time and effort in self-care.

This can come in a lot of different packages. For example, you might create a more stable daily routine, one that avoids your most common triggers. You might choose to spend more time on the little things you enjoy, like relaxing with a movie or gardening outside. You should also eat healthy food, engage in regular physical activity, and get plenty of sleep. All of these will help improve your physical and mental well-being, which can be a big part of feeling more confident in your own skin.
In terms of BDD, the journey to healing can be a long one, and it requires time and effort—but it’s still possible to regain your confidence, step by step, through a few mental shifts like the ones above. For this and other romantic dilemmas, don’t hesitate to reach out for a life coach who can work with you on your specific goals, no matter what they are.