Turn Setbacks into Setups

The “I Love My Partner But I Want To Be Single” Dilemma

May 7, 2019

You and your significant other have been together a while. You’ve passed the big milestones, you’ve said “I love you,” and maybe you’ve even walked down the aisle. The spark is still there, and you know that your love is real.


But somehow, that wistful longing for the single life hasn’t fully left.


It’s human nature to want to have the “best of both worlds.” And occasionally wishing for the single life is a common relationship problem. However, the problem comes when you’re constantly wishing you were single. A wishy-washy commitment to your relationship is not for the champions of the world. It’s disrespectful to your significant other, and it’s disrespectful to yourself. Even worse, it’s a selfish way of living your life, holding onto your partner and envisioning a single life, ensuring that neither of you can live your lives fully.


Unfortunately, it’s time to make a decision, one way or another. So how do you go about it?



Think about why you want to be single.

It’s important to figure out what you want, so that both you and your partner can stop existing in this halfway, half-hearted state you’ve put the two of you in. Buckle down and sit with your thoughts, and commit yourself to making a decision one way or another.


Feeling this way doesn’t necessarily mean you’re with the wrong person, so here are a few things to consider:


Often, one of the biggest culprits for this feeling is a lack of “alone time.” You’re virtually always with your significant other. You talk to them every day, and there’s not much time to be alone. Try taking more control of your time with a regular night out, or even a solo vacation. Your separation from your partner might make the heart grow fonder…or it might reveal that you feel most like yourself when you’re alone.


Another common culprit is a lack of freedom. When you were single, you were free to go where you wanted, see who you wanted, and buy and do what you wanted—but your commitment to your partner makes that hard. Try working toward a more active life outside of your relationship, doing something just for you. You might find this is all you need, or you might decide that your relationship is holding you back from exploring the goals you have for yourself.


The last common culprit is, unsurprisingly, a commitment to something else. For many, this can be a career commitment. If climbing the corporate ladder is important to you, and it’s difficult to split your time between career and your relationship, it’s time to decide which one you value more.


Get over yourself and make a choice.

It’s time to decide.


Once you’ve taken some time to think about why you want to be single, it’s time to commit one way or another, whether you prefer the single life or your significant other.


At the end of the day, there’s no wrong answer, as long as you make a commitment and stick to it. In truth, the only wrong answer is no answer at all—it’s continuing to disrespect your partner and yourself by wallowing in indecision.


Making a decision gives both of you the freedom to move on with your life, whether your relationship continues or not. And it allows both of you to live your lives more fully, without a lukewarm commitment to a relationship one of you questions.


In the end, you are the only person who can make this decision. And it’s a decision you have to make—for your own well-being, and for the well-being of your significant other.


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